I woke up early this morning thinking about the young girls who perished in the Texas flood

I woke up early this morning thinking about the young girls who perished in the Texas flood. My heart aches for their families and the unimaginable pain they are now living through.

As I sat with that grief, my thoughts turned to my own daughter, who died many years ago in tragic circumstances. That kind of loss never leaves you. It changes who you are. And in remembering her, I also remembered the many things people said to me during that time—some comforting, others unintentionally hurtful.

So I want to offer a few thoughts about how to speak to someone who has just experienced a tragic loss:

• Don’t say, “I understand how you feel” or “I know what you’re going through.”
  Unless you’ve gone through a very similar kind of loss, you don’t—and can’t—truly understand. And even if you have, grief is different for everyone. A more compassionate thing to say might be, “I can’t imagine the pain you’re feeling, but I’m here for you.”

• Don’t try to explain it or make it better.
  Avoid phrases like “Everything happens for a reason” or “They’re in a better place.” In the immediate aftermath of loss, those words can feel hollow and even dismissive. People need space to feel their pain without it being explained away.

• Don’t compare their loss to something from your own life.
  Saying things like “When my [relative] died…” may be well-intentioned, but it shifts the focus away from the grieving person. Let their story be centered.

• Do show up. Be present.
  Even if you don’t know what to say, your presence is what matters most. Sit with them. Listen. Offer a hug. Bring a meal. Just let them know they’re not alone.

• Do keep checking in.
  After the funeral, after the flowers fade and the cards stop coming, that’s often when grief really settles in. Keep reaching out—weeks, months, even years later. Grief has no timeline.

To the families in Texas, I send my deepest sympathy and love. I am so sorry for your loss. I hope the world wraps around you with care and tenderness in the days ahead.

To anyone reading this who has experienced a loss or is supporting someone who has—please remember: Grief doesn’t need to be fixed. It just needs to be witnessed.